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avatar TheEyeOfTheLigar 11 day.ago

I told my wife that i love her and need her like how i need a laxative

Without her, things would be hard

dadjoke

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In this curated list, we’ve compiled the best dad-approved one-liners, groan-worthy puns, and cheeky quips guaranteed to deliver belly laughs. Share these crowd-pleasing jokes at work, family dinners, or parties—no prescription needed!

funny dad jokes

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1. Not my favourite dictator

I loved Fidel Castro. He's not my favourite Hispanic dictator though. I'm more of a Francophile.

2. Yo mama so stupid she went caving.

3. Why was there a tool in the work shop no one would use?

It was a band saw.

4. I was looking up at my ceiling. It’s not the best.

But it’s up there.

5. Did you hear about the dad joke that sold for a thousand bucks?

It was a granddad joke

6. What gives you butterflies regardless of how many times you do it?

Raising caterpillars of course!

7. My telescope crashed into my microscope

Now I have a Kaleidoscope!!!!

8. What do you call a retired miner?

Doug.

9. What’d ya call it when a mathematician gets tagged-out at 3rd base?

A rounding error.

10. Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. The jeweller inquired, "Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?"

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, "No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'." The jeweller smiled and said, "Yes, sir; how very romantic of you." Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, "Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again."

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